WARNING: slightly depressing blog
Today at church they announced that our old bishop's wife died. It wasn't a surprise or anything, she's been battling breast cancer for years. He was the Bishop when we first moved into this ward when I was pregnant with Alekisio, and now he is in the stake presidency. For the year of 2006 we were in the tongan branch so when we came back to our ward I thought they had just moved. Later I found out she was in the hospital. After I gave birth Aisea left to get Alekisio and when he came back he said he saw Pres. Soon in the hall and they were releasing Sis. Soon because they could no longer do anything for her in the hospital. I was giving birth to a beautiful baby and he was taking his wife home to die. I understand the plan of salvation, I know that she's not suffering now and she's finally at peace but this is why life just plain isn't fair sometimes. Bishop Soon was raised in the church and became inactive, got married, had two boys, and buried his first wife because of breast cancer when his youngest boy was a toddler. He went back to church and met his second wife who quickly became a mother to the boys. They have a daughter who is now in 9th or 10th grade. She was a petite, beautiful, quiet woman, and they've raised amazing kids. The oldest boy is on his mission right now. Now she is gone from the same illness that took his first wife, and his daughter doesn't have her mother for all the things a teen needs her for. I know that having an understanding of the gospel has helped their family, as it should.
This all brought up feelings and thoughts I've been having since my Grandpa Levenhagen died just after Sio was born. What do you say to people after someone they love dies? I have a testimony, I know where they're going, I know I'll be fine and see them again. There are times though that knowing those things doesn't comfort me. I need to cry, be mad, think about how unfair it is that my grandpa couldn't hold my baby. They're the most perfect things I've ever done and my grandpas can't enjoy them. Those feelings of sadness won't go away, and they actually aren't getting easier to deal with like they're supposed to but they're less frequent. Whenever my mom tells me that I'll see them again etc. lately I want to scream. I know it already and I feel like people are telling me I shouldn't still be sad. I know she isn't though. After I lose someone I would rather not talk about it unless I want to and have someone give me a hug when I need it. So what do you say to someone who has just lost someone they love? Especially if you don't know them really well. I feel bad just avoiding them but I don't know what to say and I feel like I would start crying just looking at them. Times like this make me remember not to take my family for granted. Sorry for such a depressing blog. I don't know if it all came out the way it is in my head. Just to clarify, I do have a testimony, and I know my family that has passed it waiting for me and watching my family grow, and they're proud of me.
2 comments:
my 2 cents: send a card, take a meal. Especially after it has been long enough that others have stopped doing so. They will still have bad days, weeks and months after. Let them know you loved her and why. Don't tell them all the things you don't want to hear. they probably don't either. yes I am sure they have a testimony, but they don't need to hear all time, "it is for the best, it is part of the plan, You will see her again" they know that. Tell them your sorry, offer your condolences and hug if appropriate.
my 2 cents.
I don't always know what to say either. your right though knowing they're better off doesn't mean you won't miss them. I miss my dad regularly. It helps me to dwell on all the good he did and be grateful. I think this subject is one that is good to wrestle with. it will help to understand some of the more difficult or deep things humans have to deal with. don't ignore it.
love dad
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